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After reading this post I believe you will be more than prepared to start your life as a liberal voter. For whatever reason you decided to align yourself with the Democratic party it is very important to keep certain rules in mind. The difference between liberals and conservatives is not just principles it’s also religions and lifestyles. If you’re going to be worshiping at the Church of Liberalism you have to follow the rules or risk being banished forever. It’s true that we need to stand for what we believe but we never should openly admit the more startling opinions or we will risk scaring those not ready for our stunning truths. It’s very important to keep in mind that even though we are the minority if we use topics like “war” and “health care” it will be easy to sway those foolish enough to miss our true intentions tucked in our socks. Once you learn the ways of a liberal you can truly start fighting against spreading peace, child birth and with enough practice you can even work on bringing down the economy it self.

Rule #1: Always hide your sick intentions. It’s very important that we remember to keep our disturbing prerogatives hidden behind more acceptable ones. Always follow the polls, it’s obvious that no one likes war so make sure to stand against that. Don’t worry about the lives of people in other countries and definitely make sure to ignore all chances of terrorism in our country. People are stupid so it’s very realistic that they won’t remember what happened on September 11th, the fact is the more terroristic attacks that are thwarted the easier it is to act like they don’t exist! And don’t worry, as long as we have activist judges rooting for us we will be able to protect our children from horrible events like the sight of a Christian praying in school and the ten commandments in a courtroom. The fact is the more babies that are born the more chances that one of them will end up voting Republican, we might as well kill them off before that can happen; before they are real people like, say, before they are fully out of the womb. Do not worry my fellow liberal friends, criminals will be freed and their victims will never be able to sleep at night so hold your head high and remember, people are stupid!

Rule #2: Praise the great Darwin with all your mind and soul. Look, it’s obvious to me that the Darwinism movement is in danger of being seen as the total crap pot that it is. But it’s very important that we keep this sect alive, it is our lively hood and only means of manipulation against those condescending Christians! Besides, there’s no reason to worry about it, it’s not like anyone will realize the lack of fossil record proof and start to question us. We have the schools behind us and with the disgusting amount of money we throw at public school teachers they will always bow to the Democratic party. Lord Darwin must be upheld throughout all areas in life, especially in classrooms and especially with those too foolish to actually look into the facts. Once you learn to pray intensely in the name of “science” you will learn that this is no science at all but our only path to converting the non-believers! No creator no Christians! Praise Darwin! Finally, if anyone ever denies the truths of Darwinism remember to insult them and say “hey well, you must believe the earth is flat too!” because we all know that the earth being flat is the same as believing in a God who surely doesn’t exist, silly people.

Rule #3: Abortion is the way of wisdom and mercy. We all know America is the worst place to live right? The only reason the liberals of America are holding strong to this land is because Canada is too cold. Reverend Moore, our great evangelist, is out pushing our cause and there is no way we will leave this country until we rewrite the laws for our own pleasures. Abortion is key to our success because, well, we don’t know why but aren’t babies loud? I mean, how can you enjoy yourself when a useless child is screaming in the background? I mean, the sooner we eliminate the feelings for the need of children the quicker we can push forward in our race for open homosexuality in all corners the U.S.A! Remember to always use the excuses of “life or death”, “incest”, and “rape” because if you remember, people are stupid and won’t bother to look at the stats. Even though the large majority of abortions are for convenience there is no way we can ignore the 1 in a million who actually need one. Besides, babies emit large amounts of gas and account for the number one cause of global warming nation wide, look it up, I just put in on Wikipedia so it is true! Finally, if ever asked if you agree with abortion just say “ooh uuh abortion is horrible and I hate it but wouldn’t ban it” because remember, hating something is no reason to try and stop it.

Finally the golden rule: CNN is law. Come on folks, we know what is takes to force a generation into the hands of the Democratic party. We studied the tobacco industry and have learned from their ways and have learned that whatever people see on TV and ads they will believe! Heck, if there is a story that makes your cause look bad just don’t air it. Considering the Democratic party worships the news casters of the great CNN it is a must that we continue to fill their heads with our lies and deceit. Remember people that it’s not about right and wrong but about us taking back the country! We don’t know what we’re taking it back from but the minority must be heard! The main objective would be to ban stations such as FoxNews because they are committing crimes but letting the voices of the conservatives be heard. If we are to take this nation over we must remember to push our agendas on all fronts. It’s not fair that liberal bias rules most of the media; we need to rule it all. If we don’t stop the free press now you might see people looking into the stories and looking for the truth and that is something that will ruin us. If Father Saddam were here he would be disgusted with the freedoms these Americans have today, it’s bad enough he was taken away from us way too early. Whatever you do fellow my liberal apprentice, always keep your head high, don’t be ashamed of your blasphemous ways because here in the Democratic party you are free to worship Darwin and to have multiple abortion because we care about you now and isn’t that what counts?.

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