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I wake up in the morning, the sun is shining, all is well, but I know there is change a comin’. I love change. I have jars all around the house full of change. I guess change just sitting around not doing anything isn’t really changing anything but I admire it for the sentimental value. I look out the window past the trees, past the millions of people working so that those that don’t work can get welfare and I dream a little; they need to give more.

After I’m done dreaming about things, but never doing anything to change them I head to work. I don’t drive a car because cars use gas. Gas is evil because President Bush once owned an oil rig company that failed miserably. I don’t ride the bus because they also use gas and public transportation is not cool. I ride my bike instead. It takes me three hours to get to work but I must do my part to save the earth because it can’t safe it’s self!

At work I’m the idea guy. Whenever we are in meetings I love to speak up and deliver the idea the boss is looking for. I stand tall and announce, “I’ve written complaints. I’ve even gone to the president but the bathrooms still aren’t using eco-friendly toilet paper!” Everyone cheers. I am the hero of the minute. After all the excitement I return to my cubicle and dream of an eco-friendly world where I actually matter.

As I ride my bike home from work, inhaling fumes from passing semi trucks, I think about how horrible the world is. I know that America is the worst nation in the world and it needs to be changed. If we can get Obama into office I know things will change. He has no record of change or any evidence that proves he will do anything special but I suppose suspension of reality is a key trait for a liberal.

When I finally get home my day has been quite wonderful. I saved the environment a gallon of gas fumes, I dreamed about things that I can’t change and I spoke up for my beliefs. The goal in my life isn’t complicated. I just dream of free health care, free education, higher wages for fast food workers, higher pay for being the right race or gender, unanimous realization that the world is melting, world peace, abortion on demand, the destruction of capitalism, a constitutional amendment banning cows and babies, transforming America into a socialist nation, higher taxes for people that create jobs (the rich), the destruction of plastic, prisons shut down and criminals freed, Rush Limbaugh taken off the air and a new Michael Moore movie every year. Is that too much to ask of my country?

Money is just an object. Something others make more of than I do. There shouldn’t be two Americas. One America is enough. We need to get ride of all status symbols, all race barriers and most of all, cows. Cows are pretty much useless. This doesn’t mean we have any real solutions. We prey on the weak and down trotted. We prey on those that hope for more but rely on the government. If their spirits are broken and can’t pay the bills they will more than likely vote for Obama. That’s all that matters. Not solutions, not change; votes, power and less gasoline.

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